Thanks so much for sharing your very personal experience. I completely understand what you have gone through. It takes time to let go of those awful bonds, but just remember that everything that anyone did to make you feel "less than" or unqualified is a whole lot more about that person than you! It really hurts to hear comments like that and I so glad you are on a healing journey, escaping the toxicity. Know that we all stand with you, understand the battle and want to lift you up to achieve everything you dream of. I am so grateful that you reached out. I recall a time when it was like an echo chamber for women in our industry. Our ranks are building with every year that passes. Every young woman that connects with you and learns from you will find joy, acceptance and validation. One day, these stories will fade away. In the interim, many good wishes to you. reach out any time the world feels overwhelming. We find strength in lifting our sisters to the very best! Much love. - Jill
I cried when I first read your book and the section about imposter syndrome and sexism in diving. Especially the section about having a diving partner that everyone accounts for your own success. I hadn't realized the weight I had been carrying, and how great it felt to be seen.
I spent so many years feeling like I wasn't enough as a diver, and trying to prove myself. Every time I taught, filled tanks, or fixed things in the shop, I had to prove to students, my boss, my colleagues, etc. that I was good enough, even though I had been doing those things for years. It felt like the only thing that people accepted at face value was my ability to sell dive gear at the shop, and even then for the "cute" things such as masks, fins, and wetsuits. Whenever I needed help, I felt like a failure.
One of our best charter captains for our shipwreck dives is a woman, who is one of the best tech divers in the community. Even with her obvious success as an amazing tech diver, captain, boat owner, and photographer, I still heard her dive community talk about how she "slept her way to being captain and owner" of her boat. She was never enough for those men. The same men who constantly harassed me for being young and the only girl, for being the only one with "emotions". I brought love, care, and belonging into that community, and they accepted it while laughing at me. It was exhausting to bear.
I was only 18 when I entered that world professionally, and it shaped my development and self-worth. However, at 28 now, I've finally got out of it and that toxicity. I'm still working on my self-confidence, but we will get there. No more letting men tell me what I'm worth! My new dive community will hopefully be surrounded by tough, amazing women.
I don’t think I can add anything that is more supportive than what Jill said to you already, except to emphasize to you that I am so proud of you for stepping away from the toxicity! Sometimes in order to think clearly you have to come out from under it! In the diving community there are more and more women who are owning their worth and not putting up with crap! If I had a penny for every woman leader in any field who was accused of sleeping her way to the top, I’d be rich!
The older you get the more you realize that those toxic men have no power over you unless you give it to them! Your worth is yours, nobody can take away or give it to you! You are not cute, you are a powerful woman! Big hugs and lots of love to you!
I am a proud supporter of WDHOF! I have heard about it and immediately I wanted to be part of it. What a wonderful organization that provides support for women to pursue or enhance their diving careers! In a world with so much inequity, an opportunity to even things out a bit.
I am so sorry for the anger you feel Jill, I have been at the receiving end of sexism my whole life in too many instances to talk about, first coming from a country with no anti harassment laws, in an industry(music) that was built on sexism and then again here in the US when I started diving as the only woman in my class and I was not the pretty blonds! It took me my whole life to go from being scared and accepting that’s how the world works to standing up to it and calling it out when it happens to me or someone around me! It is infuriating how SOME men think that our bodies and our spirits our out there for them to take and enjoy, satisfy their egos without regard to the harm those actions cause. Every time I see it happen, decades of furry come out of me and I simply can’t tolerate it anymore, specially in this new political climate of Bros era! I wish that we can have one day all women in the world who were sexually harmed by men wear something distinctive, the same thing so men can understand that we are not just crazy bitches and it is a big deal that so many of us are harmed! Those decent men out there, sometimes are not aware of what we have to deal with and they need to see it visually! I can’t wait for the women’s march!
Enjoy some coffee Robert😉! Thank you both for the wonderfully thoughtful content you produce! In a world full of garbage and misinformation it’s so refreshing when I find something real and genuine! I treasure those and build myself a bubble of respite for my sanity!
Besides, how hard is it to get coffee beans from the EU (Germany in particular) to Canada? My guess would be that there are some hurdles regarding agricultural products and import regulations...
A really good article, and to add my few cents to that, it still is an issue. When the team for the Thai Cave Rescue was announced, and that they had assembled and consulted "the best cave divers there are", I honestly wondered, "And where's Jill? Did anyone ask her?" This may sound like flattery, especially here, but is simply down to the fact that you are top-notch in the field and, in my view, should have been involved, or at least asked. Instead, they assembled an all-male team, which raised more than just one eyebrow with me. So yes, sexism in diving still is there, sometimes overt, but most of the time so ingrained in the ways of thinking that we (as male divers) need to actively be reminded of it.
Thanks Oliver... yes, there are often ways in which women can add a different perspective in a rescue/recovery operations or other gatherings. The feminine viewpoint can help bridge some of the cultural challenges! I have been on my share of recoveries, but despite there being no women in the lead rescue team of the Thai rescue, the guys did something absolutely incredible. I can't think of a much better outcome. That said, there were over 5000 people involved from farmers to cooks, admin people, cavers, engineers, etc. And there are still people recovering from the economic impacts too. Many farmers harvested everything to feed the thousands on site. A few people get the limelight, but there were legions of heroes and sheroes!
Thanks so much for sharing your very personal experience. I completely understand what you have gone through. It takes time to let go of those awful bonds, but just remember that everything that anyone did to make you feel "less than" or unqualified is a whole lot more about that person than you! It really hurts to hear comments like that and I so glad you are on a healing journey, escaping the toxicity. Know that we all stand with you, understand the battle and want to lift you up to achieve everything you dream of. I am so grateful that you reached out. I recall a time when it was like an echo chamber for women in our industry. Our ranks are building with every year that passes. Every young woman that connects with you and learns from you will find joy, acceptance and validation. One day, these stories will fade away. In the interim, many good wishes to you. reach out any time the world feels overwhelming. We find strength in lifting our sisters to the very best! Much love. - Jill
I cried when I first read your book and the section about imposter syndrome and sexism in diving. Especially the section about having a diving partner that everyone accounts for your own success. I hadn't realized the weight I had been carrying, and how great it felt to be seen.
I spent so many years feeling like I wasn't enough as a diver, and trying to prove myself. Every time I taught, filled tanks, or fixed things in the shop, I had to prove to students, my boss, my colleagues, etc. that I was good enough, even though I had been doing those things for years. It felt like the only thing that people accepted at face value was my ability to sell dive gear at the shop, and even then for the "cute" things such as masks, fins, and wetsuits. Whenever I needed help, I felt like a failure.
One of our best charter captains for our shipwreck dives is a woman, who is one of the best tech divers in the community. Even with her obvious success as an amazing tech diver, captain, boat owner, and photographer, I still heard her dive community talk about how she "slept her way to being captain and owner" of her boat. She was never enough for those men. The same men who constantly harassed me for being young and the only girl, for being the only one with "emotions". I brought love, care, and belonging into that community, and they accepted it while laughing at me. It was exhausting to bear.
I was only 18 when I entered that world professionally, and it shaped my development and self-worth. However, at 28 now, I've finally got out of it and that toxicity. I'm still working on my self-confidence, but we will get there. No more letting men tell me what I'm worth! My new dive community will hopefully be surrounded by tough, amazing women.
I don’t think I can add anything that is more supportive than what Jill said to you already, except to emphasize to you that I am so proud of you for stepping away from the toxicity! Sometimes in order to think clearly you have to come out from under it! In the diving community there are more and more women who are owning their worth and not putting up with crap! If I had a penny for every woman leader in any field who was accused of sleeping her way to the top, I’d be rich!
The older you get the more you realize that those toxic men have no power over you unless you give it to them! Your worth is yours, nobody can take away or give it to you! You are not cute, you are a powerful woman! Big hugs and lots of love to you!
I am a proud supporter of WDHOF! I have heard about it and immediately I wanted to be part of it. What a wonderful organization that provides support for women to pursue or enhance their diving careers! In a world with so much inequity, an opportunity to even things out a bit.
I am so sorry for the anger you feel Jill, I have been at the receiving end of sexism my whole life in too many instances to talk about, first coming from a country with no anti harassment laws, in an industry(music) that was built on sexism and then again here in the US when I started diving as the only woman in my class and I was not the pretty blonds! It took me my whole life to go from being scared and accepting that’s how the world works to standing up to it and calling it out when it happens to me or someone around me! It is infuriating how SOME men think that our bodies and our spirits our out there for them to take and enjoy, satisfy their egos without regard to the harm those actions cause. Every time I see it happen, decades of furry come out of me and I simply can’t tolerate it anymore, specially in this new political climate of Bros era! I wish that we can have one day all women in the world who were sexually harmed by men wear something distinctive, the same thing so men can understand that we are not just crazy bitches and it is a big deal that so many of us are harmed! Those decent men out there, sometimes are not aware of what we have to deal with and they need to see it visually! I can’t wait for the women’s march!
Enjoy some coffee Robert😉! Thank you both for the wonderfully thoughtful content you produce! In a world full of garbage and misinformation it’s so refreshing when I find something real and genuine! I treasure those and build myself a bubble of respite for my sanity!
PS. One of my favorite songs!
Thanks so much Luca. We truly value your support, your thoughtful comments and your friendship!
Besides, how hard is it to get coffee beans from the EU (Germany in particular) to Canada? My guess would be that there are some hurdles regarding agricultural products and import regulations...
A really good article, and to add my few cents to that, it still is an issue. When the team for the Thai Cave Rescue was announced, and that they had assembled and consulted "the best cave divers there are", I honestly wondered, "And where's Jill? Did anyone ask her?" This may sound like flattery, especially here, but is simply down to the fact that you are top-notch in the field and, in my view, should have been involved, or at least asked. Instead, they assembled an all-male team, which raised more than just one eyebrow with me. So yes, sexism in diving still is there, sometimes overt, but most of the time so ingrained in the ways of thinking that we (as male divers) need to actively be reminded of it.
Thanks Oliver... yes, there are often ways in which women can add a different perspective in a rescue/recovery operations or other gatherings. The feminine viewpoint can help bridge some of the cultural challenges! I have been on my share of recoveries, but despite there being no women in the lead rescue team of the Thai rescue, the guys did something absolutely incredible. I can't think of a much better outcome. That said, there were over 5000 people involved from farmers to cooks, admin people, cavers, engineers, etc. And there are still people recovering from the economic impacts too. Many farmers harvested everything to feed the thousands on site. A few people get the limelight, but there were legions of heroes and sheroes!